Shakespeare Insult Kit – for all the writers out there

William Shakespeare (1564 – 1616) was an English poet and playwright, widely regarded as the greatest writer in the English language and the world’s pre-eminent dramatist.

William Shakespeare was a true master of the English language. For the ultimate  Shakespearean insult use the list below …

 Combine one word from each of the three columns below, 
prefaced with "Thou":

        Column 1            Column 2                Column 3

        artless             base-court              apple-john
        bawdy               bat-fowling             baggage
        beslubbering        beef-witted             barnacle
        bootless            beetle-headed           bladder
        churlish            boil-brained            boar-pig
        cockered            clapper-clawed          bugbear
        clouted             clay-brained            bum-bailey
        craven              common-kissing          canker-blossom
        currish             crook-pated             clack-dish
        dankish             dismal-dreaming         clotpole
        dissembling         dizzy-eyed              coxcomb
        droning             doghearted              codpiece
        errant              dread-bolted            death-token
        fawning             earth-vexing            dewberry
        fobbing             elf-skinned             flap-dragon
        froward             fat-kidneyed            flax-wench
        frothy              fen-sucked              flirt-gill
        gleeking            flap-mouthed            foot-licker
        goatish             fly-bitten              fustilarian
        gorbellied          folly-fallen            giglet
        impertinent         fool-born               gudgeon
        infectious          full-gorged             haggard
        jarring             guts-griping            harpy
        loggerheaded        half-faced              hedge-pig
        lumpish             hasty-witted            horn-beast
        mammering           hedge-born              hugger-mugger
        mangled             hell-hated              joithead
        mewling             idle-headed             lewdster
        paunchy             ill-breeding            lout
        pribbling           ill-nurtured            maggot-pie
        puking              knotty-pated            malt-worm
        puny                milk-livered            mammet
        qualling            motley-minded           measle
        rank                onion-eyed              minnow
        reeky               plume-plucked           miscreant
        roguish             pottle-deep             moldwarp
        ruttish             pox-marked              mumble-news
        saucy               reeling-ripe            nut-hook
        spleeny             rough-hewn              pigeon-egg
        spongy              rude-growing            pignut
        surly               rump-fed                puttock
        tottering           shard-borne             pumpion
        unmuzzled           sheep-biting            ratsbane
        vain                spur-galled             scut
        venomed             swag-bellied            skainsmate
        villainous          tardy-gaited            strumpet
        warped              tickle-brained          varlot
        wayward             toad-spotted            vassal
        weedy               unchin-snouted          whey-face
        yeasty              weather-bitten          wagtail

Dark Place

“Everyone has talent. What is rare is the courage to follow the talent to the dark place where it leads.” – Erica Jong

The shawl
The shawl – Katherine Scrivens

 

Duke of Edinburgh classics

images-3‘Do you know they have eating dogs for the anorexic now?’  To a blind women with a guide dog

‘Do you still throw spears at each other?’  To Aborigine Leader William Brin in Australia

‘Where did you get the hat?’  To his wife after her coronation

‘The bastards murdered half my family’  When asked if he would like to visit the Soviet Union

‘You can’t have been here that long – you haven’t got a pot belly.’  To a Briton in Budapest

‘How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test?’  To a driving instructor in Scotland

‘If a cricketer, for instance, suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, which he could do very easily, I mean, are you going to ban cricket bats?’  After the Dunblane shooting

‘You managed not to get eaten, then?’  To a student who had been trekking in Papua New Guinea

Oh, it’s you that owns that ghastly car – we often see it when driving to Windsor Castle.’  To Sir Elton John who had a Gold Aston Martin

‘Are we going to need ear plugs?’  After being told that Madonna was singing the Die Another Day theme

‘You bloody silly fool!’  Snapping at a car park attendant who didn’t recognise him

‘What are you doing here?’ ‘I was invited, sir.’ Philip: ‘Well, you didn’t have to come.’  To Simon Kelner, republican editor of The Independent, at Windsor Castle reception

‘Do you work in a strip club?’  To female sea cadet

‘Are you running away from something?’  To expats in Abu Dhabi

‘Your country is one of the most notorious centres of trading in endangered species.’  After accepting a conservation award in Thailand

‘Cats kill far more birds than men. Why don’t you have a slogan: ‘Kill a cat and save a bird?’”  At a project to protect turtle doves in Anguilla

 ‘Are you all one family?’  To multi-ethnic Britain’s Got Talent 2009 winners Diversity

‘ The problem with London is the tourists. They cause the congestion. If we could just stop tourism, we could stop the congestion.’  On the London Traffic Debate

‘You look like you’re ready for bed!’  To the President of Nigeria, dressed in traditional robes

‘If you see a man opening a car door for a woman, it means one of two things: it’s either a new woman or a new car!’  Unknown

‘If it doesn’t fart or eat hay, she isn’t interested.’  On Princess Anne

‘Brazilians live there’  On key problems facing Brazil

‘You have mosquitos. I have the Press’  To the matron of a hospital in the Caribbean

‘What about Tom Jones? He’s made a million and he’s a bloody awful singer.’ On how difficult it is in Britain to get rich

‘Dontopedalogy is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it, which I’ve practised for many years.’  To the General Dental Council

Love comes when manipulation stops

It has taken me a while to realize what my latest completed painting is. You see, I usually have about 30 paintings kicking around my studio, all waiting for that final brush stroke.

This little oil painting ‘The Peace Offering’ shows a naked woman with a dove and a bag of presumably her clothing. She is vulnerable, she has made a mistake, she has undoubtably hurt someone and now wishes to offer herself as a token of her love and devotion.

“Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his or her reactions to you. When you dare to reveal yourself fully. When you dare to be vulnerable.” – Dr. Joyce Brothers, American Psychologist

The Peace Offering
The Peace Offering – Katherine Scrivens