“If you’re able to be yourself, then you have no competition. All you have to do is get closer and closer to that essence” – Barbara Cook
Pretty simple, right?

William Shakespeare was a true master of the English language. For the ultimate Shakespearean insult use the list below …
Combine one word from each of the three columns below, prefaced with "Thou": Column 1 Column 2 Column 3 artless base-court apple-john bawdy bat-fowling baggage beslubbering beef-witted barnacle bootless beetle-headed bladder churlish boil-brained boar-pig cockered clapper-clawed bugbear clouted clay-brained bum-bailey craven common-kissing canker-blossom currish crook-pated clack-dish dankish dismal-dreaming clotpole dissembling dizzy-eyed coxcomb droning doghearted codpiece errant dread-bolted death-token fawning earth-vexing dewberry fobbing elf-skinned flap-dragon froward fat-kidneyed flax-wench frothy fen-sucked flirt-gill gleeking flap-mouthed foot-licker goatish fly-bitten fustilarian gorbellied folly-fallen giglet impertinent fool-born gudgeon infectious full-gorged haggard jarring guts-griping harpy loggerheaded half-faced hedge-pig lumpish hasty-witted horn-beast mammering hedge-born hugger-mugger mangled hell-hated joithead mewling idle-headed lewdster paunchy ill-breeding lout pribbling ill-nurtured maggot-pie puking knotty-pated malt-worm puny milk-livered mammet qualling motley-minded measle rank onion-eyed minnow reeky plume-plucked miscreant roguish pottle-deep moldwarp ruttish pox-marked mumble-news saucy reeling-ripe nut-hook spleeny rough-hewn pigeon-egg spongy rude-growing pignut surly rump-fed puttock tottering shard-borne pumpion unmuzzled sheep-biting ratsbane vain spur-galled scut venomed swag-bellied skainsmate villainous tardy-gaited strumpet warped tickle-brained varlot wayward toad-spotted vassal weedy unchin-snouted whey-face yeasty weather-bitten wagtail
‘Do you know they have eating dogs for the anorexic now?’ To a blind women with a guide dog
‘Do you still throw spears at each other?’ To Aborigine Leader William Brin in Australia
‘Where did you get the hat?’ To his wife after her coronation
‘The bastards murdered half my family’ When asked if he would like to visit the Soviet Union
‘You can’t have been here that long – you haven’t got a pot belly.’ To a Briton in Budapest
‘How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test?’ To a driving instructor in Scotland
‘If a cricketer, for instance, suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, which he could do very easily, I mean, are you going to ban cricket bats?’ After the Dunblane shooting
‘You managed not to get eaten, then?’ To a student who had been trekking in Papua New Guinea
‘Oh, it’s you that owns that ghastly car – we often see it when driving to Windsor Castle.’ To Sir Elton John who had a Gold Aston Martin
‘Are we going to need ear plugs?’ After being told that Madonna was singing the Die Another Day theme
‘You bloody silly fool!’ Snapping at a car park attendant who didn’t recognise him
‘What are you doing here?’ ‘I was invited, sir.’ Philip: ‘Well, you didn’t have to come.’ To Simon Kelner, republican editor of The Independent, at Windsor Castle reception
‘Do you work in a strip club?’ To female sea cadet
‘Are you running away from something?’ To expats in Abu Dhabi
‘Your country is one of the most notorious centres of trading in endangered species.’ After accepting a conservation award in Thailand
‘Cats kill far more birds than men. Why don’t you have a slogan: ‘Kill a cat and save a bird?’” At a project to protect turtle doves in Anguilla
‘Are you all one family?’ To multi-ethnic Britain’s Got Talent 2009 winners Diversity
‘ The problem with London is the tourists. They cause the congestion. If we could just stop tourism, we could stop the congestion.’ On the London Traffic Debate
‘You look like you’re ready for bed!’ To the President of Nigeria, dressed in traditional robes
‘If you see a man opening a car door for a woman, it means one of two things: it’s either a new woman or a new car!’ Unknown
‘If it doesn’t fart or eat hay, she isn’t interested.’ On Princess Anne
‘Brazilians live there’ On key problems facing Brazil
‘You have mosquitos. I have the Press’ To the matron of a hospital in the Caribbean
‘What about Tom Jones? He’s made a million and he’s a bloody awful singer.’ On how difficult it is in Britain to get rich
‘Dontopedalogy is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it, which I’ve practised for many years.’ To the General Dental Council
It has taken me a while to realize what my latest completed painting is. You see, I usually have about 30 paintings kicking around my studio, all waiting for that final brush stroke.
This little oil painting ‘The Peace Offering’ shows a naked woman with a dove and a bag of presumably her clothing. She is vulnerable, she has made a mistake, she has undoubtably hurt someone and now wishes to offer herself as a token of her love and devotion.
“Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his or her reactions to you. When you dare to reveal yourself fully. When you dare to be vulnerable.” – Dr. Joyce Brothers, American Psychologist